Sunday, April 7, 2013

Paper Chasing, Part II ~ the Home Study

We met our social worker for the first time last Wednesday.  So far things have gone well...I think.  You know how sometimes you go out with friends and you get extra comfy with them and talk more than you meant to and then you get home and analyze every.little.thing you said all night long?  Well, imagine that, but now imagine that it's not your friends with whom you turned into Chatty Cathy, but rather a social worker who kinda sorta holds your adoption in her hand (or laptop, really).  So I've been stressing just a teensy about every word that came out of my mouth, about my nervous attempts at humor, how my 18 month old (who had just gotten over a stomach virus) wanted to nurse for 37 seconds at a time approximately every 4 minutes for the whole 2 hours she was here.  If you're on Facebook you'll also know that I dreamt we "failed" our home study (not even sure that's a thing?) by not getting enough points in a basketball free-throw competition.  Guys.  You don't even understand how bad I am at basketball.  This could be a major setback ;)

She said she'd call if she started writing the report and needed more information on anything, and so far no call, so I'm hoping no news is good news.  In the meantime all I can do is pray that she saw through my oversharing into my heart, and that what she found there was pleasing :)

This process is proving to be quite the emotional roller coaster for us, and the wait, which we were expecting to be long, is looking to potentially be even longer.  My hope was to have our dossier submitted by the end of this month, but with the wait times at the USCIS it's looking like it might be much longer than that (as in, months longer).  I have been prepared for the 2+ year wait AFTER our dossier submission, but I've been told over and over that this, the paper chase, is the part of the process that we are in complete control over.  I've busted my booty trying to collect documents and write letters and schedule appointments for everyone in the family and rearrange our schedules to meet with our social worker and use vacation days (Michael's) to get things signed.  I have a folder this thick (imagine a very, very thick folder) of all our documents that I have had approved and notarized and organized and now ready to send...and in my attempt to control everything, I am reminded of a quote from the very spiritual and realistic show "Private Practice".

We make plans, and God laughs.

I am not in control of this, folks.  Not even a little bit.  And even though God has proven his sovereignty over this process again and again, I struggle with it not being in my control.  God has this.  I know that.

One little quick "God has this" story and then I'm signing off for the night.

When we were beginning the adoption process, before I even really put together that this is where God was leading our family, Jeremiah 29:11 kept popping up in my head.  "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"  Fast forward a couple of months, we've already been through the fairly timely, challenging, prayerful process of choosing an agency, and I'm checking their website (because that's what I through a website that I've already read through approximately 400 times).  I scroll all the way to the bottom, and what do I see, but our verse!  I mean, it's not *our* verse, technically, but it's our verse!  Right there on their website!  Yes, it could be a coincidence, and yes that is a common verse.  But at that moment I could feel God whispering to me (again) that He is in control of this and that we just need to continue to trust in His guidance.

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